Lets update this thing

Most people who read this already know about my accident, and have seen the pictures. Those who haven't, this was my car. We were hit by a tractor trailer and pushed into a previous minor accident on the side of the road where I struck a police officer and his cruiser and pinned a woman's leg. Everyone is fine, thank God!! I am so happy and blessed to be alive. This is kind of where everything started going crazy on me. School was going well, and life was moving right along progressivly. The morning of my accident I was on the phone to Walter Reed trying to get an appointment and getting frustrated with them for not charting correctly and being rude. I remember thinking something quite aweful and then I left for class. After class Patrick and I went to Potomac Mills (an outlet mall) and got some stuff and then lunch and headed home. Driving north on 95, I remember being behind the wheel and having a nice conversation with Patrick. Traffic began to slow and I instantly got annoyed because it was obvious they were all slowing to almost 35MPH to stare at this accident thats off on the shoulder. I pointed and said something to Pat about them just being nosey and the next thing I knew my air bags were in my face and my car is flying out of control and spinning and hitting things along the way. The feeling when the car stopped was this big sigh of relief and this huge panic. I remember thinking, 'what happened, what did I do, is Patrick ok, oh my God, my car.' Everything is over, and I'm finding it hard to get back into the swing of things. My school work suffered because of the stress of only one car between us, my inability to catch up after the week off, the stress of the money situation because of the accident. We were charged initially because we were lied to about insurance, and now we receive bills that have to be taken care of by the guilty party. We weren't paid full worth of our vehicle as promised by the insurance company, and now we are stuck with one car. Granted, it was a 2002 dodge neon with 82,000 miles, but it was worth 4700 not 4000. We can't find a car of equal value in it for that amount of cash. At least, not around here. I still have problems driving on the highways around here. I feel myself having a panic attack everytime I'm cut off, or someone flies up beside me and just cuts over all 5 lanes of heavy traffic. If you have ever driven in the DC area, you would know this is a common thing. Patrick has been amazing about everything. He even gets up in the morning and drives me to campus when he can, so that I don't have to worry about it. I have never felt so lucky to have such a great husband.

Patrick is getting crap at work, but it comes with the job I guess. Just some E-5 on a power trip thinking he deserves things that are way out of his jurisdiction. Patrick is dealing quite well with this. I'm suprised to see him so "calm" about this. I mean, he is all pissed off, but he isn't all about getting back at this guy or going above his head, (which he should be, but thats another story) he's just dealing with it. On a positive note, he's in his Class A's every morning for 2 weeks. Patrick's cell phone just took a crap. It was a touch screen and randomly stopped working. He can't do anything with the screen, it doesn't recognize it. AT&T informed him the only options is get out of his contract now for $175, renew his contract for a new phone, or stick out the rest of the contract with this phone he can't do anything with. We are either renewing or going to another company. I personally think that if he didn't break the phone, they should just give him an equal equivelant until his contract is up. It's just some cheap phone, not a smart phone.

We got a new puppy! His name is Patton and he's an adorable black lab mix. He's the cutest thing ever. He's doing good with potty training, but the chewing is getting problematic. Him and Cuda get along well. She is better around other dogs now. My parents put down my childhood kitty. He had intestinal cancer and they decided to put him down to relieve his pain.

Other than this stuff, life is moving. Still taking lots of meds, and I'm switching my college major. I'm taking classes in order to get the ball rolling.

Yet another rupture

So I had another cyst rupture this week. I'm starting to get headaches, nausea, weak, tired, and dizzy. :sigh: I just hate this stuff and the naproxen isn't working. I've made my heating pad my new teddy bear. I'm still waiting for a period so I can get my tests underway and move forward.

Patrick has had no days off the whole month of September. I don't count days off for staff duty because they are both spent sleeping. He had staff duty twice and only one of those did he get the two days off. This weekend was suppose to be his first four day again since they are on a 10 on 4 off schedule :eyeroll:. I just received a text message saying he only gets the weekend off, no four day. I can't keep doing everything myself around here. It's one thing if he's deployed, but it's a complete other when he's here at home with me and I still can't see him, or have him home sometime during the day or the week. I have put together a 6' tall bookcase and a new tv stand that weighed about 500lbs. Moving that thing was a pain in the ass. Poor patrick gets the brunt of all my anger from these people at this point. I feel bad because I get so pissed off, but I can't help it. This weekend we have a picnic with the other lab people and I really don't want to go. I feel like they take enough of Pat's time and we need some us time.

Life is nothing new at this point. I'm still going to college and taking it one day at a time and studying my butt off. Patrick is well, just exhausted. So, life is moving forward and I'm just here for the ride for now.

Just another day.

So, school has started. It's taking up all of my time. I constantly worry about getting into the program so I can finish this ever going school saga. I have 5 classes and none of them are a breeze. With transfer credits I have fulfilled my elective requirements, and most of my program prereqs. I'm mainly just fulfilling college requirements except for a mico class and a stats class. I feel a bit lost. I go to my Micro class and I don't understand a thing she's talking about. I can study and study but all I'm doing is memorizing facts, not understanding them. Patrick is great at explaining things when I'm all confused. The problem is, he's never home. He works evenings, and 10 days in a row. Thats only when the schedule isn't being changed because of one thing or another. So I maybe see my husband for 5 hours the whole week. I really think that everything is just starting to weigh down on my shoulders. I really just want us both to finish school so we can move to another chapter of our lives. I'm sick of doing everything alone. I'm sick of living my life alone. I'm sick of having friends yet being the forgotten one on the sidelines. I'm sick of having nobody around and nothing to do on a friday night when my husband has to work. I haven't been out with anyone besides my husband in over a month, and it's sad.

We finally had an appointment at Walter Reed. If you don't already know, Patrick and I are so far unable to have babies. I talked to my doctor about it after a trip to the ER. The ER doc said I had a ruptured cyst. Then my doctor said that he thinks I have PCOS. What he actually said was "Thats the diagnosis we are going to go with, because thats how it sounds. " After six months of being on thyroid meds and metformin I decided to call for a referral appointment to an OB/GYN so that maybe we could get a handle on things. I wanted someone who knew what they were talking about. I seen another doctor about the referral, who was honest in saying she had no idea about this syndrome herself. She told me to call about a week later for an appointment at OB/GYN. I called and they told me there was another referral for me to the fertility center at Walter Reed. I had that appointment, and the doctor laid out this huge plan for determining my ability to have kids and a course of action for it. It was filled with bloodwork almost every week and lots of meds. She went and spoke to the staff doctor (she was yet another intern :eyeroll:) and she cancelled everything. I have to go for this test in which I have to have a period for. I don't have them typically. I usually have to wait 4-6 months or so. Part of those meds was to make me have a period so we could do this test and some clomid to see if I do ovulate. All the bloodwork was cancelled except one to check my hormone levels. I still need to have the procedure done, but they want to wait for my period to arrive on it's own. I don't see that happening anytime soon since I had one the begining of July. So I'm back to square one, where I'm just sitting on my thumbs waiting and waiting for something to happen.

With everyone in my family having babies left and right I didn't think it would be a problem for me. I do want to have babies, and my in-laws are always making comments about wanting grandkids and it's not easy because it's not something that I can help. For me, it seems like large things I want out of life are out of my reach. It makes me want to give it all up. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of being let down, I'm tired of getting my hopes up, and I'm tired of keeping it to myself because there is nobody around to talk to. At times I feel like I'm slipping into this depression that I can't bring myself out of. I try talking to my husband and his fix is just to suck it up. Last time I said something to him he told him his friend and him were trying to plan something. What does that have to do with me?? When I asked that, I was accused of refusing to be happy. I don't have anywhere to turn but myself.

I think I'm going to finsh up some studying and spend the rest of my lonely Sunday in a hot bath and a cup of coffee.

It's that time again

I've been slacking lately and figured updating this thing would be wise. I got into college here. I'm super excited about that. I really want to finish this thing. I've done orientation and I'm all set, except one problem. Money!! This university is really expensive and they have determined I'm out of state domicile. I can't claim in state for a year of being in state and paying state taxes. They gave me a site to check out about military spouse exceptions, but it was just the state regulation, and as us army wives all know, relulations are a pain in the ass to read and understand. My year won't hit until October. So thats a semester of out of state tuition and that sucks up all of my federal loans without paying fees, books, parking etc. I've been looking into ROTC lately. It's on my mind a lot since the cost of college is so high. I spoke with the Army and the Air Force. The Army was a bit disorganized and was off the cuff stuff from a new graduate. I really want to go back and talk to someone else, with the new questions I have. Patrick is all for this ROTC idea. He gets frustrated with me if I say I'm not sure I want to do this. I have a few major doubts. I have a few medical problems, my physical fitness isn't anywhere near ready and military is a huge decision.


Work is going ok. I'm still waiting for that training to finish. They are just giving me bullshit to tide me over. I wish they would just give me a straight answer. My checks are starting to get all messed up. I should be getting $15.85 an hour, but if they don't do specific things every week only get $8.10 for running the store myself. I refuse to do that work for $8.10/hr. I've told them when school starts I'm only doing weekends. I can't stress myself out. I have to stay focused and I want to succeed.

I've been having a lot of personal issues. Going over a lot in my head and trying to figure things out. It's kinda rough. I'm not sure what to do, what are the right decisions, how to fix certain things, what I want to do anymore, things like that. Patrick is trying, not doing so great with the understanding and listening part, but at least he's giving an effort. I've never been good at making decisions. I always go back and forth in my head for days/weeks/months, afraid I'm going to make the wrong decision. When I fianlly make the decisions I'm usually dissapointed with the outcome.

Our 3 year anniversary is Wednesday. I'm excited because this weekend Patrick is taking me away and won't tell me anything about it. It's the first anniversary we are spending together and we actually get to enjoy it. With his schedule lately, and the constant changes, it's hard to coordinate time together. The month of June he had off maybe 4 days, and that included the days he had off for his 2 staff duty days. He doesn't get training holidays, weekends, or normal holidays off, so I'm usually stuck working to pass the time, or sitting at home alone. He works a lot of second shift 1600-0000 but with him running PT 3 days a week he has to leave by 1400 and sgt time on thursdays makes him leave by 1330. Patrick finally got that ingrown toenail taken off. It was digusting and smelly by the time he finally went. I couldn't take smell anymore. They are worried about infection and he has to go back to make sure there is no bone infection after he starts to heal a little more. So I'm thrilled about that. He's hobbling around here lots in pain for now, but I know it'll be worth it in the end.

What to do?

I've submitted an application for a BSN at George Mason Univeristy about 2 months ago. I'm still waiting to hear back from them. I'm already considered out of state domicile, which sucks, but I can deal with it for the first semester. Well, since waiting and looking at my options I found a LPN program that has financial aid and I can be done in a year or less. I went and toured the school today and it's nice. Their classes are no bigger than 24 students at once and their lab equipment is new and really impressive for a small school. I'm not sure which one I want to attend. The LPN school is about $32,000 in total and the BSN is $12,000 for the first semester and $4,000 after that. I guess I'm just torn between what I want to do. I really am not that happy in my job at Giant right now, but thats a whole different complaint. This is a big important decision and Patrick is supportive to whatever I want to do.

Now about Giant. I love some of the people I work with and I don't mind the job that much, but I'm sick of doing the front end manager job without being the front end manager. I'm the ASSISTANT front end manager. I didn't sign up for a full time job and I didn't sign up to be taken advantage of. Our FEM has been out since wednesday because "her leg hurts". What kind of crap is that? She has a fit if one of the cashiers calls out for that kind of excuse, and here she is taking a whole week. When I start school then she can kiss my rear end because that comes first. I can't complain a whole lot about the hours and money because my savings account has never looked so good. Plus when we got the CX-9 we dropped an easy $4,000 on it. I enjoy living comfortably and having the extra savings ontop of paying $1,000 a month on the Mazda.

So thats my life. I've arrived at the crossroads and now I must decide which turn to make. God, please guide me in the right direction.

My day off

I had my only day off today. It was a great day. We bought a new car. I'm all excited about it. It's a 2008 Mazda CX-9 with all the trimmings. I'm so extremely exicted about that car. I kinda want to sleep in it. lol. I'll have to upload pics soon. The buying process made me late for my hair appointment, but I got to reschedule it.

I went to the salon today and got my hair redone. I love this stylist. She knows exactly what will look good. I love the blonde hair she gave me. My hair even looks awesome when I leave. It's silky smooth and just gorgeous.

I really don't want to return to work tomorrow. Although, I am getting up early for lunch and shopping with a girl from post. It should be fun. It's finally time I start making friends and getting out of this stinky house more.

On another good note, my meds aren't making me sick anymore. I'm finally getting use to them. Although, the thyroxin still makes me a mean lady. Patrick is still being great about the whole thing. He's being extremely supportive of everything for me so I couldn't be happier with him.

I finally think I got the school thing figured out. I sent off everything I need to process the application so I'm just waiting for the reply. I'm excited to be finishing school and getting my BSN. So heres to good times to come!

Feeling a bit invisible

I'm not sure why, but I feel invisible to the world. I've been trying to make friends around here, but my work schedule gets in the way. When I try to set something up that works for me, nobody wants to do anything. I wonder if it's just me or if there is something about me. The message board doesn't help any. It's not big, yet I feel like I speak to a wall, or that people just don't care. I'm thinking about cutting all ties anymore because it wouldn't be any different from my life now. Wake up, eat, spend time with husband, go to work, come home, sit around waiting for husband to get home, go to bed, do it all over again. *Sigh* Just another day I guess.

More appointments

My doctor has finally called. I have the PCOS diagnosis and a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. I was put on two new medications, metformin and levothyroxin. The metformin is normal to treat diabetes, but I'm using it to promote ovulation. The other is pretty obvious.

Since starting the metformin I've felt so sick to my stomach I feel like I'm going to vomit my stomach up. Thats only the half of it. It's also making my tired and exhaused. I've missed work 1 1/2 days so far the past two weeks. I try not to, but being the only one in charge of the store at night time, I can't just leave to vomit.

The thyroxin makes my moods go all over the place. My poor husband is probably so frustrated with me right now because I can't decide what kind of mood I'm in from one minute to the next. He's been very patient, which isn't like him. It's a nice difference.

Ontop of everything going on lately, I developed a UTI. Which is just peachy. I got medication on Saturday and started feeling a little better. The day before my last pill, the symptoms were back full force. I tried getting appointments, but I couldn't get in because of the unavailability and it not working with my work schedule. Finally, after three days of trying I seen a doctor today. She told me that she's giving a seven day treatment to me this time instead of the three day I had before. If this doesn't work I have to go back and go through more testing. I've apparently had three UTI's in the past six months. I'm just hoping this all works out, and it's all worth it. I'm so tired of being sick at this point.

Patrick is finally going back to night shift, so we can actually see eachother now. It'll be a nice change. He's been on days since January and I always work nights. My luck, I will start working during the day. Time will only tell though.

Anger doesn't even begin to describe it

Yesterday was the day they were suppose to talk to this girl at work. They talked to her alright, and let her keep her station. They told her she has five weeks to straighten up and they spelled out exactly the way management has to act at work. I was so pissed about it. When my opinion was asked I told the store manager flat out how I felt. I told him that by letter her keep her station at work he sets the bar of professionalism so low that it doesn't mean much to be in management. Looking back I know it seems rather harsh and uncalled for, but my anger and many other feelings totally got into the way. I felt betrayed. I trusted him to be on my side here and have my back because when she isn't doing her job my job suffers. He lied to me about what he was going to do also. That just put the icing on the cake for me. I can respect anyone in management, but I cannot respect a liar. This isn't the first time they have had to speak to her about how to act, yet she still gets to keep it. I'm pretty sure if any person acted like that they would either 1) be fired 2)be demoted or 3)never get promoted in the first place. I guess I just have to deal with it...

The epitome of lazy

That about sums up one of my co-workers. I have never seen such lazyness in my life and still this person believes she is entitled to something. You have got to be kidding me.

This girl, we will call her L, that I work with always has a problem. There is always an attitude problem, and she was insanly pissed when I got promoted and she didn't. Well management decided to give her a chance to step up and hopefully do the job she so badly wants. Well it's been nothing but problems. Long breaks, 10 min bathroom breaks etc. Last night she told the front end manager she didn't want the keys (override keys) and to just keep them. So we both decided that she just wanted to be a cashier last night. Well when it got busy I had to jump onto a register and help out. At that point I was running to get overrides, running the terminal, running the customer service desk, managing the whole store and doing lottery tickets. Next thing I know one of my cashiers is missing and I'm running around like an idiot. I'm frantically trying to find my cashier. Another cashier, N, tells me L sent her on a break. I went over and asked L if she sent S on a break, she said yes. I then told her that she needed to take the keys. I walked away trying to get my front end under control. Later I was doing drops for my pick-ups of money and I hear a bell being rung multiple times for an override. I come out and N is standing there looking for someone to do an override. L is just staring at him doing nothing. She then begins to walk toward the customer service desk to help someone. I walked up and said "forget it I got it, go to your register and stay there." That was fine. At 15 mins to 8 (her time off) she tells me she is taking a bathroom break, which would have been fine if she didn't take 10 mins and this is an everyday thing for her. She comes back takes 2 customers and shuts herself down to leave. I told her she needed to say and wait for P who is always 5 mins late due to another job. She told me no and walked out. I was so flippin mad I called the front end manager and got no answer, so I called the store manager. I told him that this was uncalled for. There was no reason for that. I told him after she did that poor S had a line that snaked around the front of the store. He says they are going to talk to her and tell her to either be a cashier or quit. Personally, I'll believe it when I see it. I don't need the job, I just like the extra cash. I refuse to work for a place that promotes that kind of behavior in their so called management team.

Tonight should be a fun night to work. We'll have to see if she can act like an adult or not. I seriously hope that our store manager has a nice talk with her today before the "I'm demoting you" speach he's waiting for the assistant store manager to come back from vacation for.

Other than that life is grand. My parents are suppose to come this weekend, but we aren't sure of they will since it's suppose to snow a few inches. I did already clean, and make food so it'll kind of tick me off if I spend all that money on food and it doesn't get eaten. What can you do though?

It's a crappy day out

So my parent's have decided to visit this weekend. It's my mother's birthday and I guess she's been nagging to come down. I say it's about time, since she was so excited about us moving so close and not being here yet. Anyways, I'm trying to get my house all cleaned up and everything taken care of. With my work schedule it's not easy. Patrick is being a great help. He's taking care of the things I ask him to.

I can't wait for Patrick to go back to second shift so we have about the same schedule. I'm sure then, though, I'll start working earlier shifts. He starts seconds next week and has to work the weekend. I guess I can't complain because then we will have maybe a day together.

I finished the curtains I was making for the spare bedroom. They are adorable in there. I love them! I just need to do something for the windows in the dog's room. I kinda wish I had more time for my crafts. They always calm me down and I can think about things and I get to be in my own little world while I'm doing it. I really need to make a new wreath for Easter this year. My old one is all messed up due to the move.

I've been trying new recipies, which if you know me is a big deal. I've had some success with a few things. I've also had a few fails, but not because it didn't turn out but because it just wasn't something Patrick and I like to eat. I'm going to make him clam chowder this week sometime. I'm also making pulled pork for dinner soon too. I baked cookies and made chocolate covered strawberries right around Valentines day. I took some over to my neighbor so she could have some treats and some company on Valentines day.

I've been trying to get out to get my passport for the cruise, but there's always something I'm doing and I forget to go. I think Patrick and I may go next week together since he has off during the day. That way we can get that stuff out of the way. I'm super excited about going on this cruise. We both need a vacation. We do need to make arrangements for my animals though. We were thinking about a kennel, or just asking the neighbor. We aren't sure yet. It's a whole week so we dont' want to bother anyone.

My raise at work has kicked in and my checks look much better now. I love having a nice chunk of money in savings. I like that we have money to lend if a family member is in trouble or if we need something it's there.

It's been a while.

I haven't updated this thing in forever, so I guess I should. We are living in VA now and loving it. I have a job where I started out being hired for a customer service job and ended up with an assistant front end manager position. I must say the $15.85 an hour as opposed to $7.90 is a lot better. I must say though, that some days the stress of it all is just too much. I don't get to take breaks, ever, and I'm responsible for everything at night. Last night I litterally got sick over all the stress. As the AFEM, last night, I had to run a register (for the long lines), do overrides for alcohol because all my cashiers (all three of them) were under age, and run the customer service desk which includes lottery, returns, that type of thing. I thing I got more of a workout last night then if I went to the gym. I'm thankful for the customers that don't act like they are the center of the universe. They were sympathetic and nice about me leaving them constantly.
Sometimes I'm not sure if this job is worth it. I mean the money is ok, but when you think about it for the area, it's just ok. I work 6 days a week, most of the time with up to 9-10 days betweek days off, constantly being left alone to do the work of 3 people. Yet, I'm still waiting for my promotion paper work to be filled out and filed. I got the raise becaue I said something to management. When I started, the FEM was an amazing guy. He was the nicest, most helpful, and most supportive manager I have ever met. Untill one day he tells me they are transferring him in 3 days. Now we are stuck with some chick with a BA in english who thinks that management means sitting on your ass all day, or coloring and making pretty stuff to make the cashiers know they are doing well. With the old FEM they knew they were doing well, they just didn't have to have it posted on a board.

Patrick has gotten promoted to Specialist now. I was so proud of him! He does such a great job and he deserved the promotion. Shortly after getting the SPC promotion, he was told they are going to get him his SGT rank before 2011. I didn't believe it when he told me. Nobody, at least in this MOS, makes rank that fast, especially when he's not in a combat unit. Then he came home with correspondence courses, and was telling me all about the stuff they are sending him to so get can get promoted again. I couldn't be more proud of my husband. This was something that he needed so that he knows he is a great soldier and a great person. His grandfather passed away in October and that was a great loss to him and he found himself lost. I think this is helping him to find himself again and build himself back up.
Patrick has now started back at college. He is taking two classes and doing great at them. I think he's finding it a little easy as it is online, but at the same time I see him struggling to remember the assignments and waiting until the last minute to finish things. I believe though, that this is what he needs, to work on that responsibility of his.

We got a kitten right before christmas. We have named him Omnuris. He's the most adorable kitten in the whole world. As I type this he is poking his head up from behind the laptop screed to see what is going on over here. He likes to pretend he is all secret ninja kitty, when in reality he's just a spaz. This cat will be so sweet and sleeping one minute and the next will be racing through the house going nuts. I seriously believe his facination with water will proove disasterous very soon. He loves to watch the toilet water go down and look into the tub when it's full, but I see him falling in extremely soon.

I am currently enrolled at Northern Virginia Community College, but because of the run around they gave me I can't start until the Fall semester. So, I have applied to George Mason University for my BSN. Everything so far is looking good and I hope to be accepted and just finish with a BSN instead of an associates RN degree. At this point anything will do. I sat and figured it out and it's going to take just as long for both degrees anyways. I have almost all the pre reqs done except a microbiology course and if I get into the BSN course a statistics course. I'm excited at the possibility to be getting my BSN and going to a University instead of a cheap community college. I want a good, solid education so that I can quit working these dead end jobs that I hate.

I am currently going through tests for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I had an ultrasound and a blood test and I'm waiting for the call from my doctor. I know I said before I never wanted kids, but I guess the though of the possibility of not having them puts everything into perspective. I do want kids. I've heard the treatment for PCOS is birthcontrol. Thats just not something I can deal with though. It causes these migranes that aren't like a normal one. I can be fine one second and the next be throwing up in a horrific migrane that won't go away. I'm on an everyday medication that is suppose to prevent them, but they still happen, just not as often. When they do happen I have Immatrex to take, which doesn't work either. It dulls the pain to a manageable level for a few hours before the migrane is back in full force again. I think overdosing on excedrine migrane does the same effect, only cheaper. Well, if I had to pay for my meds...

So thats my life up to this point. I know boring and not much going on I guess. We have decided to go on a cruise in September which I'm excited about. Other than that it's just us going about our lives at a glaciar pace.